I think back to the first time I felt my insecurities take over. I was in my early teenage years, I knew what I was feeling didn’t feel good but I didn’t know how to put it into words, and who wants to admit to being the dreaded words, “insecure?”
I pushed down the awful feelings for quite a while, and in that time of not really truly feeling comfortable in my own skin and not acknowledging what it really was, I let it transform into uglier feelings which sometimes led to ugly actions. I would push good opportunities away. I would push any good in my life away, because I myself never felt good enough, so in turn for many years my life was very empty. I think any insecure person (which is more people in the world then a lot would like to admit) can say they have found themselves in some self-destructive situations that have left their lives empty during periods of time.
I know by this point someone is thinking “get over it!” or let’s talk about REAL life problems but the truth is many people have hard REAL life problems and then insecurities on top of that. So, many people feel afraid to own up to the fact that they are struggling with themselves and their image of themselves while dealing with many other real issues in their lives. So, in turn they push down their insecurities because their friendships, or relationships, or work is suffering or falling apart, and the truth is if you work on yourself while trying to tweak what’s not working in certain parts of your life you will be FAR more successful.
If you are insecure and you know it but you don’t take time to work on it because you think you will just “get over it” like I’m sure someone has told you in the past, you will only see your life fail in more areas. You can’t be a good significant other, sibling, friend, co-worker, or even functioning person in society if you aren’t taking time to getting closer to loving yourself for EVERYTHING that you are. Yes, I said everything. You have to learn to love your annoying sensitive side that makes you cry when you see a sappy commercial. You have to learn to love your crooked nose that you have prayed away for many years now. You have to learn to cope with your past and the mistakes you think you may have made, they only occurred to teach you better for your future. You have to learn to come to terms with your insecurities about your weight that fluctuates and often leaves you feeling guilt ridden, you are more beautiful than you can truly see, and no one notices the ten pounds you fluctuate throughout the year. You have to let go of the fact that your life seems to be a repetitive series of people walking out of your life, because trust me when I tell you, you are not unlovable or easy to leave, you just had to make room for better people to come into your life.
There is no straight and narrow path to overcoming a life full of not really being comfortable with who you are. There are some ways to help you get there though. You have to put yourself first, even if it’s sometimes. You can’t keep putting off the things you have wanted to do because you feel you have to take care of everything for everyone, you will be happier and better to be around if you take time even if it is only a little while, to do something for yourself. The second you start feeding your soul again with the things you love will be the second you feel even a little bit better about yourself.
Another thing that really helps is to make sure the company you keep doesn’t add to the negative feelings you have about yourself. If you keep people around who only bring negativity, drama, or feed into your insecurities, it doesn’t matter who they are, you have to set boundaries. These boundaries aren’t necessarily to keep them out, but they are set to draw lines and to keep your peace of mind. The company you keep can be toxic and if these boundaries don’t suit them and they leave, you know how unimportant they were to begin with.
Last two points in strengthening your self-esteem, are number one, treat yourself, and number two, STAY OFF of social media (even if it’s a couple less log-ins a day). Go get your nails and hair done, go shopping, even if it is not really in the budget make it in the budget for that week, it can pump up your confidence, even for a second. Second, love yourself enough to stop trolling Instagram or Facebook! Stop checking in on who is liking what or what Instagram model who you didn’t think could get any prettier, did. Believe it or not every time you log onto social media you are bombarded with pictures of lifestyles you don’t have, or you are faced with insanely gorgeous people who you don’t know how it is humanly possible to look like that, and you immediately feel bad. I know I am about to blow your mind with this statement but, social media is not a representation of real life! Most of these people don’t have the money they say they do, and another mind-blowing statement, most of these Instagram models did not, I repeat DID NOT “wake up like this” #NoMakeUp #WokeUpLikeThis #BornThisWay. I could hashtag those things on my selfies too but that would also mean I woke up perfect eyelashes, and was born with a pack of extensions in, but we all know that is not the truth. I could side by side my baby pictures or you could ask my mom and she would tell you too that I wasn’t born this way either, and that my dog ran down the stairs yesterday with one of my extensions thinking it was a toy (just trying to keep it REAL).
So the truth behind this article is, I struggle with insecurities, every single day. Some days they are overbearing and they are all I can think about, and that’s just the truth. They come and go and some days I feel great and others it is hard to get myself out of the door. I have had years where they were not as present and then over the past year I find myself struggling once again. I am working on it every single day because I want to be confident with who I am fully, with no exceptions, and in a lot of ways I am. I guess I may be more secure then I think I am because I openly showcasing my insecurity struggles with the internet because I think it MATTERS. I truly believe as much as I wish it wasn’t true, that I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. I am a girl who thinks this conversation needs to be had. I think that we need to be more honest about how we are told to “suck it up” or to “let it go” when a lot of us are hurting. I think we need to be honest about the fact that our generation is the first that is constantly exposed to prettier, happier, better people every time we log onto Facebook or Instagram when all we wanted to do was reply to Aunt Tiffany’s “Happy Thanksgiving” message.
This is my attempt at being a part of trying to start the conversation and making guys, girls, and anyone who feels not good enough, feeling good enough, or at least strong enough to talk about it. I want to help get people to feeling better and living a life they feel they are good enough for. You are not the only one who has ever struggled with insecure thoughts, or a repetitive feeling of just not being good enough, but the truth is you ARE good enough. Now it is just time to break the barrier of what you think you see in the mirror and what you should see in the mirror, what you think you are, and what you really are. You should be proud of who you see in the mirror you have earned the right to feel that way. You should know that you are good enough because you were born good enough. If you can learn to control your mind you can learn to control your thoughts. For yourself, let your thoughts be good, let your thoughts be uplifting, and let your thoughts remind you that you are good enough.